Dealing with the Undead by Brad

So one day you and the neighbor are getting together for burgers and hot dogs in the back yard, rockin’ out to Van Halen’s 1984 album and watching the kids put on their floaties and snorkels for a quick dip in the pool. . . and the next day his decomposing corpse is shuffling aimlessly about the yard, begging for brains and drooling over your miniature schnauzer.

It happens, people.

If you’ve been fortunate enough to survive a crushing attack of neighborhood zombies—and you want to keep sweet little Fluffy from being the next meal for Steve the Rotting Clerical Worker—you need to seriously consider educating yourself on the habits of the Undead. If it’s a mild zombie attack, you’re in luck. They’re fairly stupid little beasties, and it only takes a headshot to knock ‘em out of the park. Vampires? That’s a whole different scenario, folks. It’s time to stock up on some garlic and crucifixes—and pray that the sun doesn’t set before you slam home a sharpened table leg into the heart of this vile creature. Do it, and do it fast—he’s been casting wicked glances at your sweet little innocent teenage cheerleader for weeks now.

Wait, did you hear that? Sounds like someone moaning and shuffling around in the garage. You should hurry up and get to reading. . . this list should give you a good base for dealing with the Undead.


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